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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25354204">things we left behind</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/BACHIRAGF/pseuds/BACHIRAGF'>BACHIRAGF</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Chainsaw Man (Manga)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Family, Fluff, Heartwarming</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 07:42:01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,013</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25354204</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/BACHIRAGF/pseuds/BACHIRAGF</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>it’s easier for aki to deny he wants to be loved rather than ask the clouded people around him if they’d be willing to care for him.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>81</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>things we left behind</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Aki thinks he’s fine as he is. Himeno thought he was “touch starved”.</p><p>It’s a weird concept. Nobody in the public safety agency is really normal anyway, but it’s a weird concept to Aki nonetheless. It’s one that Himeno explained to him a while ago, when she was whole and she was alive and she was still his partner. </p><p>(“To be touch-starved, Aki,” Himeno had pointed out, “Is to crave human affection because of a severe lack of it. It’s a basic human need. You’re supposed to have eight hugs a day and you barely give me even one.” </p><p>Aki points out that it might not be appropriate because they’re partners, and Himeno snorts so hard the water she’s drinking explodes out of her nose.</p><p>“You’re such a try-hard, Aki. Get off Makima’s ass and live a little.”)

(Maybe a year later, Aki sits in his hospital bed in silence and realizes that he only hugged Himeno twice when she was his partner, and now there really isn’t any way to make up for it anymore.)

</p><p>Himeno’s theory comes to attention when Aki settles on missions with Denji. It’s simple, basic patrol. Aki hates it.</p><p>Denji’s greetings are usually the same. He waves at him for a bit and slinks beside him, easing into some nonsensical banter between him and the silence Aki chooses to keep. Sometimes, it’s a recap of the day. Other times, its complaints about Power. </p><p>“She’s just messy, you know? Not that I mind or whatever, but she could at least flush her shit. That shit is so <i>gross</i>, man.”</p><p>Aki hums. He really doesn’t want to talk about Power or shitting or Power shitting. He wants to get to the office and get today’s job done as soon as possible. Then he can go home and cook dinner and rest to wait for tomorrow, like he usually does. It’s uniform.</p><p>A heavy warmth settles on his neck and Aki realizes that Denji has slung his arm around his shoulders. He doesn’t mind, but Denji seems to find it interesting that Aki is so stiff under his touch. </p><p>“You should loosen up a bit, Topknot. At this rate, Miss Makima is gonna regard you as a floorboard forever.” He whistles. “Long, long time. Better step up your game.”</p><p>“Leave me alone.” Aki replies. It’s common sense to not prod on the things that make people uncomfortable, and yet Denji and Power are the epitome of pure evil and always seem to hit where it hurts. “I don’t have time for that.”</p><p>“Nah.” Denji replied, letting his arm drop to his side again as they approached the train-station. “I know you don’t care. I’m just gonna keep talking because Pochita is listening somewhere.”</p><p>Aki walks a bit faster, but Denji has stamina and guts and  has no idea what boundaries are, so he keeps up. Aki doesn’t think it’s surprising that Denji doesn’t care what the morals behind his actions are. One or two basic conversations on what Denji’s life had been like before Power and Aki is enough to summarize it. </p><p>(“You ate a cigarette?” Aki asked incredulously. “For a few measly dollars they didn’t even end up giving you?”</p><p>Denji nodded and stared curiously at Aki. “Why are you so confused? It’s not like I didn’t have the option of not doing it, I just ate it because Pochita and I needed food that week. Easy as that.” </p><p>From the kitchen, Nyako purred as Power rubbed her fingers behind the cat’s ears. Water dropped in rhythmic pattern into the sink. <i>I have to wash the dishes today,</i> Aki thought to himself. </p><p>“In any case,” Denji continued, leaning backwards onto the sofa, “Life wasn’t fun or whatever. It’s definitely better now. I miss Pochita a bit.” He scratched at his cheek. “But Pochita is in me, too, in a way. So I’m not that lonely anymore.”</p><p>Aki briefly thinks that it’s nice that Power and Denji have companions. Aki doesn’t really have anybody left, anymore.)</p><p>Denji jumps the scanner and Aki scans his card because he’s a law abiding citizen, no matter how hard Denji scoffs or how loud he laughs. It’s not being uptight. Aki’s sure Miss Makima would praise him for that. He silently hopes Miss Makima also ends up accidentally firing Denji in the process.</p><p>Denji scuffs his shoes against the floor to make the loudest sounds possible and then makes Aki bow profusely when he scares the shit out of an old lady sitting nearby. Denji also wraps both of his arms around Aki’s shoulders and uses his hands to tug at Aki’s hair.</p><p>“No wonder you’re so fucking uptight. This shit is tied so hard. It’s like a rope.” Denji struggles to untie Aki’s hair, and to his own surprise, Aki lets him, because the warmth of his hands in his hair is something he hasn’t felt since he was a kid. (Since before the Gun Devil, that is. Aki can feel Himeno smack his skull from heaven. Or hell.)</p><p>“I’m kind of surprised you aren’t beating the shit out of me yet.” Aki jolts. He thinks briefly that he probably should’ve expected Denji to ask questions because, again, <i>no filter</i>, but he curses himself anyway. </p><p>“It’s fine though. Like, doing stuff.” Aki replies. He has no idea what he’s saying because every cell in his body is burning. “Not meaning I mind it. I just—Uh, I like it. Kind of.” </p><p>He knows his ears are red. Aki wants to bury himself in the ground. </p><p>“I mean, that’s not bad, y’know. I do it with Power all the time. I don’t care either way. Gimme the word and I’ll do whatever.”</p><p>Denji slides into the first train carriage and grabs onto the bar hanging from the ceiling. There isn’t anybody noticeable in there—its seven in the morning on a Saturday, so mostly everyone is home—so Aki and Denji ease into their usual borderline insulting banter.</p><p>Aki hums as Denji speaks and thinks that maybe their morning patrols won’t be so bad.</p>
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